I have not written in two weeks. The reason is that I am just amazed at the changes taken place in my life. Watching how I react and how my body and mental state react.
I have been working hard at the meditation, the reading and really liking reading the cards. I get such enjoyment out of watching acts of kindness, seeing peoples reactions and performing them myself. I am staying with friends that are getting ready to move to Italy and Luisa is on a different vibrational level then myself and others. She does body energy work, working with changing the thoughts of the sub-conscience. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is but it is short term, not repetitious and long lasting like MKMMA. She has pointed out to me the change she notices in me and admires my courage and consistency to adhere to my MKMMA schedule. But she feels that I am constricting myself in being adamant that I AM GOING TO DO THIS DAMN! Its more like an angry persistence in feeling that way, I am not allowing the flow of energy to come in and flow through me and allow myself the enjoyment of the flow of wonderful energy, I am blocking it and feel like I am struggling. As this was taking place prior to her recognizing this block, I was on line and accidentally (or maybe not) clicked to be friends with someone on Facebook that I miss so much but thankful they were in my life. In the past few years I have thanked the universe for the relationship, but this accidental click put me over the edge. I was in turmoil and upset all day. Feelings of being not being good enough, failure and so on overcame me like a hurricane. When I got home, I immediately went to relax breath and concentrated on moving that energy, coming to my center and getting back to my place of harmony. I realized that I had reached my Point of Terror, subby’s hold, pulling me back to old feelings of fear, unworthiness and failure trying to convince me to go back to comfort. NOT HAPPENING subby, I am calling the shots now girlfriend!!!
I am still aware of the Point of Terror in some instances and circumstances, but now that I know what it is and I know the feeling, give me time and I am not panicking, but addressing the issue and taking charge.
I am truly working on living from the world within, not living the way the world without wants me to, concentrating on the gratitude, accomplishments, 7 day mental diet and my glorious DMP and exiting future.